Unrequited Love
by xxJaksxx
Summary: How would you feel if your love wasn't returned by the one you wanted more than anything in world? Yeah...


**A/N: Excuse the ranting that ensues, it was needed and this is the only way I can get this out, so I do what I can. I will update my other stories ASAP, there's a whole lot of crap going on that I have to deal with on top of work and school. SO SO SO Sorry guys **

Sometimes I honestly don't understand how people can do this. I mean, having feelings that are so strong for someone but you know that it will never happen, because it can't. It's forbidden in a way. Maybe that's what I find so attractive about the situation. Who knows, I guess. It's complicated. That's life though, right? It's complicated, it's messy, and right when you think you know everything you need to, everything changes.

Sometimes, it's people getting mad when you didn't realize you did anything wrong. Sometimes it's just that you need to admit things to yourself.

But it's so damn HARD. Everyone is always like oh, just say it. Just tell them. But how can you just say it? How can you just tell them? Especially when you know it won't be accepted, won't be welcomed.

Or if you do tell them and it just gets ignored… I think that's the hardest to have happen. Tell them WHY you've been so out of it, WHY you've been avoiding them, WHY you've been acting strange. Then they ignore you for a couple days, and then act like nothing happened… That's hard…

* * *

Sometimes, I think my heart needs to cooperate with my mind. It's like it goes off on a tangent all on its own and doesn't even take into account HOW this will all feel LATER…

They look best playing soccer. They look focused, determined, strong, and so into it. However, I think they feel best after. Even if they're hurting, they're happy. They like playing, and you like watching. It hurts like Hell, but it's better this way, right?

I try not to pay too much attention, because I know I'll dream of it later. I know I'll like it too much. Seeing the focus, the attention they give. You wish the attention was on you, but you know it never will be.

* * *

Why do you always want what you can't have? It's ridiculous really. All the time it's always what you can't have. WHO you can't have. Always.

Even the smell of their cigarettes drives you crazy. It smells like them. It's what you've known since you met them. It's always what you think of with their scent. It's part of them.

It's ridiculous.

* * *

I wonder if anyone knows? Is it obvious? How you feel about them? Or are you hiding it well? Do you even know? Even though you told them, does anyone else know? Do you choose to just disregard it, and hope for the best? Or do you do something?

Why is it so hard to deal with sometimes? You just want to reach over, touch them, be with them. Yet, you know you won't be invited to do so. It's so complicated. It's so HARD ALL THE TIME. To deal with. To think about. To even have in the back of your mind during the day. It always comes back at night to haunt you. It brings itself to your attention at night when you're laying alone in your bed, wishing you had the courage to do something about it.

But you can't. You NEVER will be able to. You won't be welcome. You know this already. You know they won't approve. But it doesn't stop the desire flowing through your veins at night when you think about them. It doesn't stop the desire from flowing through your body when you see them.

* * *

When you say goodbye, you want to tell them more. You want to tell them again, how you feel. But your advances won't be taken. Rejection will be too much for you. Their rejection will be too hard. It will be too hurtful. You know this. Yet… You can't help what you desire. It's so hard all the time. You always want to be around them, but you know it will hurt you too much to actually be around them.

You feel better around them. You feel like life is worth living. Like everything that's wrong with life will just go away. You can really BREATHE around them. It feels like nothing can hurt you.

* * *

They told you will always be there for you. They will kick anyone's ass if they hurt you. They're always there for you if you need an ear to listen, even just be like a soundboard for you. Just listening to what you have to say. It's always nice, because it's welcome.

An oasis in the desert, to be so cliché.

* * *

Their smell drives you wild. Not that you can do anything about it. It makes you want to cuddle into them, even if you make it seem like it's just a joke.

They've joked about a ring being from you. You only wish it was. You wish it was that important. You wish YOU were that important.

They joke about how going anywhere with them is a date. You only wish it was. You want it to be true. You want them to actually do that. But they don't see you like that. They WON'T see you like that. They're already with someone.

And it breaks your heart over, and over, and over, and over again.

But you can't stop seeing them. Their like a drug. Their like oxygen really… You can't live without them. You don't WANT to live without them.

* * *

**A/N: Anyways…. Sorry about the epic rant… I'm not exactly in the best of moods. I'm leaving interpretation up to you guys. It could be EXB, it could be BXR, it could be AXR, it could be EXJ. Who knows? Take it as you see it I suppose.**


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